more important than my pinky?
Ok, Joan. You are probably wondering what this has to do with marriage. From my Buddhist experiences I'm trying to understand the relationship between things. My heart and my pinky are both connected to me, as is my family. I am married to Linda, but we are married, which is many ways means one, and we are a family, which also means one. We are not separate.
Sometimes people see me as generous. If so, it is because I see all as connected to each other in this way.
Marriage is not a this for me and that for you arrangement. It is a single thing with hearts and pinkies.